mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
