That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
