Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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