how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
