what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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