Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I smell like Dick and happiness
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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