Dual....:-)
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
please come you make the beer taste better
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
