I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
