hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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