Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
