There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
