Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
