Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
