I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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