They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize