At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
