And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
