I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have feelings that need drinking.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
