she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
