you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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