How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
