it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
