Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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