we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
