I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
