**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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