We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
