i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
