I'm eating all of the evidence.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
