she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just invented taco cereal.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So here I am, sexting at work.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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