I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
