Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
