Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
