I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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