I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
