she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
