Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
