I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
whose ass print is on the piano?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
