i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
