I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
