My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
