Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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