sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
In America we eat man semen.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
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