you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
