I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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