things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
they're like a gay fantastic four
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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