if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
