Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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