He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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