I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize