apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
