Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
