My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
