3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
