Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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