im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
