two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
