We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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