well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
When are your genitals available?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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