so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
