I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
