So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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