nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
