A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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