I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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