Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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