Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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