you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
