my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
