Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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