I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
