How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
